Creating Balance
Spirit asks me to talk about balance today. Maybe you are currently in a phase, where you are struggling to find balance within your life, or maybe you are hoping to move forward into creating a life that feels more balanced and nourishing for you. The guidance here today, is asking you to reflect on your current behaviours, schedule and life routines, and to take stock on whether you might be doing things that are hindering your ability to create balance. So, what can we do to create more balance in our lives?
Set Boundaries.
Setting Boundaries can be a tricky one. But once you practice setting boundaries and sticking to them, they don’t feel so scary anymore. The impact setting boundaries can have on our mental health can be next level. This can be setting boundaries with work, with friends, with family, with the neighbour that drops in unannounced… whoever or whatever the situation may be, reflect on why this situation is making you feel ‘unbalanced’ or causing you to feel anxiety, and work out what you can put in place to support your nervous system. One example of a boundary I set with my work is: I do not check emails on the weekend. I have even told my boss; I do not check my emails on the weekend. It’s just something I need to do to keep my wellbeing in check. It helps me to switch off. Along with this, I do not have my emails downloaded onto my phone. So, for me to actually check, receive or reply to emails, I have to go through the portal, put my log-in details in, do the security check… it’s a much longer process. But this allows me to choose when I want to be in ‘work mode’, and when I want to be in ‘weekend mode.’ I have done this for about three years now, and it’s something that works well for me. One thing I have found, is that within that whole three years, there has never been an email or task that has been so urgent, that couldn’t wait until Monday morning. You need to do what you need to do, in order to create a work-life balance that makes you feel good about your work. Otherwise, you will end up burnt out and cranky by the time a new week rolls around because you’re not giving your mind and body the space it needs away from the usual work routines. We all deserve a break, and life is meant to be enjoyed. Don’t let your work be the reason why you don’t enjoy a weekend away, or a walk along the beach, or a coffee with a friend.
Say ‘no.’
‘Saying no’ probably makes a lot of people uncomfortable. But, once you give yourself permission to say it when you really need to, once again, it doesn’t seem so scary anymore. One thing I joke about with my partner and friends, is that I have very strong JOMO (joy of missing out). I have found that in my getting older, I have learnt when I can keep exerting my energy and when I really need to rest. So, I have learnt to say ‘no’ in that, if I don’t have the energy to do something, I won’t. Because I’ve learnt the repercussions of when I don’t listen to what my body needs. I always, try to give myself one whole day of rest per week. Sometimes, this looks like half a day, but this means that I’ve had to be selective in where I choose to rest. If my ‘rest day’ falls on a day where there is something on, like maybe my partner has footy, or maybe someone has asked to grab a coffee, or maybe I have a non-essential appointment booked… then I will reschedule. I will say, “I've got too much on this week, let’s try next week!” Because if I go, when I don’t have the capacity too, it’s not good for anyone. It’s okay to say, ‘Unfortunately, I can’t make it this time.’ However, there is a need to make sure you aren’t completely isolating yourself and not having any social interaction. If you are feeling so unbalanced in your life, that you feel that you have to ‘say no’ to everything, because you really don’t have the energy, then you need to make some serious changes. If your work, is completely draining you to the point, where you don’t have any life left in you to enjoy a social event on the weekend, then you need to look at your work and assess why that is? Is it the work itself? Is it that you’re working overtime, you are picking up extra shifts and working way more than what you signed up for? Maybe it’s just the workplace or the leadership team and you need to change your environment. Being a teacher, quite often I get asked to take relief days. A lot of the time I will say yes, but every now and then, I say ‘no’ because I know where my energy levels are sitting at and if I take extra days it’s going to put me behind for the following week and create an imbalance in my life. The other day I was listening to a podcast and the lady said: “It’s a lot harder to restore wellbeing, than to maintain it.” So, ask yourself: what are you doing to maintain your wellbeing? Are you saying no, to things you don’t have the energy for? This is your life, and you have every right to say ‘no’ to any extra things that aren’t supporting your wellbeing.
Do the things that make you feel good.
When I say this, I’m referring to exercise, diet, hydration, meditation, spending time in nature... activities that nurture your soul. What are the things that make you feel great about your life, your body, your health and your mind? Making time for the things that make you feel good, are an imperative part of maintaining and creating balance in your life. If you know, that going for a morning run makes you feel great, then MAKE the time to do it. If you know that a slow walk after work helps you to wind down after a busy day, then do that. If you know that meditating before bed helps you have a good night sleep, then do that. If you know that a cup of herbal tea in the evening, sits better than a glass of wine - then make the swaps. One thing my Spirit Team said to me, about two months ago… they said: “If you want to see changes, you ACTUALLY have to take the actions that are going to support those changes.” They were telling me, that I have to be the one to take the reins here. I couldn’t just sit back and wait for things to get better, without doing something about the behaviours that were creating this imbalance in my life. They told me, that “no one else can do this for you.” This was quite a big realisation for me. Due to my spiritual beliefs, I try to hold the mindset that: “things always work out for me.” However, in this one area of my life I was engaging in self-sabotaging behaviours, that were actually making life feel quite challenging and stressful. When I got out of denial, over the fact that ‘I’m not the problem here’ and took responsibility for the fact that I’d got myself into this situation because of the behaviours I was engaging in, I had the information I needed to create changes. And rather than engaging in the behaviours that made me feel more stressed and anxious, I could make the changes and put in the supports that I needed to, to make sure I stuck to these behaviour changes. So, if you are currently doing things that are adding to the imbalances you feel in your body or mind, then think about what swaps and substitutes you can make to feel more balanced. And take my guides advice, although it might feel a little harsh, but I promise you that it is being said with love. You need to take the reins, take back your control over the situation, because no one else can do it for you. Make the swaps that you know are going to make you feel good.
Make a plan.
If you know that there are things in your life that aren’t working for you, I’m going to talk about ‘work’ because I really feel that this is the biggest area of imbalance in most people’s lives, then you need to work out what needs to change and make a plan towards creating that change. So, let’s say your boss always makes you work overtime, and you’re sacrificing time away from your kids, to do work that you don’t necessarily need or want to do, what is going to be your plan to change this? Are you going to speak with your boss and set a boundary of the days you aren’t available to work overtime? Are you going to say ‘no’ next time he asks you to pick up an extra shift? Maybe you’ve already done all of this, and he still isn’t respecting that boundary. Okay so, what’s the next step? Do you need to update your resume, do you need to sign up to get job notifications from SEEK so you don’t miss any upcoming job vacancies? Make a plan of what you’re going to do about this situation that is creating imbalance in your life.
Now, a lot of us have this conditioning, where you are taught to pick a job, and you must do that job until the day you retire. This is not what the human experience should be about. The human experience is about growth. But in order to grow, you must experience some change. I know that there are people out there who have fierce loyalty to their workplaces, and this can make it really difficult for them to move on from a job, even when they really hate it. But the reality is… if you left, you’d be replaced within the week, and no one is going to sit around the staff room table talking for hours about how much they wish you were still working there. Maybe they will share fond memories of the times you did work there, sure. But the show is still going to go on, whether you are there or not. The place will not fall apart without you. Yes, you are very good at your job, and you play a crucial role in making sure the business runs efficiently, but there is someone else out there, who can probably do the job just as well, or even half as well, and the place will still run how it needs to. And I say this, because I want you to think about…whether you are taking the place of that position or not, the place will survive without you. So, your options are: Stay in a role you HATE, and the place survives OR find a role you LOVE somewhere else, and the place still survives. Wouldn’t you rather the latter?
One of my favourite quotes:
“Don’t do something you hate, just to prove you can.”
Shannon Kaiser’s book “Joy Seeker” talks on this topic. I loved this book, if you’re looking for your next read. You could stay in a job that sucks the life out of you, just to prove other people that you are great at what you do. But the price you pay is your own joy. And your own joy, is worth a hundred times more than the opinion of anybody else around you. I’m not saying to waltz in and quit your job tomorrow. Come up with a plan, on how you can transition to a job that brings you more joy. Maybe you time it, so you finish your job on the Friday, and begin your new job on the Monday. Make the plan work, so that you’re not putting yourself under unnecessary pressure or stress.
So, have a think about your current work situations. Maybe there are some changes that need to be made. Keeping in mind, that some life changes cannot be planned. However, there are also a lot of changes than CAN be planned for. So, only plan what you have some control over. i.e. Updating your resume, applying for jobs, building connections and networking with possible employers. If you want to create changes to your work routines, don’t let what other people will think hold you back from finding a role that is going to bring you joy and help you to create balance within your life. You can make a plan - no one else needs to know about the plan, until the time comes where you need to inform other people.
Love & Light,
🌻Marni
Message for the Week Ahead
Bobcat Spirit ~ Life is a mystery.
Spirit sing: Building a Mystery by Sarah Mclachlan ~ Maybe this is a message for someone specific. Does this song remind you of someone in Spirit? Spirit are building around you what feels like a ‘mystery’ to you, but it’s actually a carefully laid out plan by the Universe.
Where you think this road is leading, is not quite where it is going. New avenues, pathways and opportunities are going to be revealed in divine timing. Don’t miss the signs. If you suddenly feel the urge to do a course, or take someone up on a job offer, or take a vacation somewhere you haven’t been before, then follow the way the wind blows you. As you step through one door, three more doors open. You are not trapped, or stuck in your current reality. There are changes coming, and new chances for you to create change in your world for the better. Be brave, even if you’re feeling like you’re following blindly. Soon, everything will come together, and you will see why your path needed to change. If there is anything that needs to be let go, allow people or places to fall away to make room for these new opportunities.
Spirit Animal Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid